The Power of Our Words

If there is one thing I am learning as a wife and mom, it is the power that our words have on the people around us. As I write about in the book, I’ve learned that I’m the thermostat of my family. If Mama’s hot (as in angry, steamed, ticked off) – things can get really uncomfortable in our household. If I’m cold (like the stony silent type, or bitterly sarcastic) – the frostbite can be severe.

Now outside elements can always influence our families. Severe heat from things beyond our control can surround us, a strong blowing wind can threaten to knock us down – but our words can still have impact on how our family feels inside our homes. Because when things are tough outside, it is in our home that I as a wife and mom really want to make feel secure.

So, if I am the the thermostat of my family, than my words can be the buttons that control the overall temperature my family feels. The climate my family experiences. 

What are my words saying today?

Sharon Jaynes has a wonderful book called The Power of a Woman’s Words that I highly recommend and have shared with friends (in fact, I can’t quote from it because it’s with a friend at the moment! ) She discusses the way our words can impact (or detract) in all of our relationships – from our husbands to our children to our friends we meet for coffee every once in a while. What we say makes such a difference – and we can certainly bring good, or harm, depending on the words we use.

Word-Dropping

So where do you start, if you feel like your buttons (words) need some realigning? I think one of the easiest things to start with is finding the words you can eliminate – like name-calling.

I don’t believe there is any room for name-calling in a family. When Cliff and I got married, one of the commitments we made to each other was that we would never call each other, or our future children, names. Words like stupid, moron, idiot, dummy – even in the spirit of kidding, these are not words that will ever build up or encourage the very people we love. So we don’t do say them. There are plenty of people outside your home that will fire these stinging darts of name-calling – don’t allow those darts to be shot within your home too.

A Foundation of Words

Words also have the power to change how we feel, or to remind us how we feel about something. Several years ago, I listened to a series of Zig Ziglar audio CDs and he talked about the power of words, and shared how he will often answer his phone with something like “This is Zig, the husband of the most beautiful lovely woman you will ever meet!” (He’ll also do it with other family members, like his children.) This was during a period of stress for our family and I had found myself getting grumpier and grumpier with my husband. I was focusing more and more on the things that he did that annoyed me and less on all of the wonderful things about him that I loved so much.

So I started referring to him as Handsome. I would address him as Handsome in little notes or cards, or texts we sent on our phones. And I noticed the more I said it, the more my heart softened and the less irritable I was with him. He didn’t necessarily start doing everything exactly how I wanted – he didn’t change overnight into my expectation of how he should be –  but it was more about my attitude changing. And much to my personal thrill, a year after I started calling him Handsome, he started calling me Beautiful. And two years later, we still call each other these words. And I have this little fantasy that one day when we’re old and gray and sitting in our rocking chairs on the porch, we won’t even call each other by our real names. Just Handsome and Beautiful.

The Powerful Blessing of Words

I already mentioned last week the “sendoff” I do with my son each morning before school. As my son gets older (he just started his last year of elementary school! YIKES!), I’m very aware of how my words impact him. Spoken and unspoken. I want my words to bless him. To challenge him in a good way. To help him. Not to tear him down. Not to frustrate him. Not to discourage him. But I’m not always good in this. Sometimes I let my feelings jump ahead of my tongue. And I say things I wish I could take back. But you can’t take back words. You can, however, apologize for them.

Some parents don’t like apologizing to their kids- for whatever reason, they think it makes them look weak, or their authority will be weakened. But I think telling your child sorry when you’ve done something wrong (and hurting feelings or snapping or losing your temper is doing something wrong) offers a great example for them. And keeps the path of communication between you and your child open.

So, take some time today to think about the words you say. Do they bring good? Or harm? Are they honoring? Or condemning? Do they show love? Or do they cause old wounds to reopen?

Be a blessing with your words today. Be intentional about the temperature of your family. It may be hot outside right now, but it can feel pleasantly cool when your words are kind and encouraging.

Do you think about your words? Share a location (anywhere) that has your ideal perfect temperature that you wish your words would reflect. 

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