MyProverbs31Life | Sara Horn

Mother’s Day Sale – Get the E-Book for only $2.99

By Sara · Comments (32)

May 9, 2012

I am so excited to announce that if you’re an e-book reader - Kindle, Nook, Kobo, or the Sony Reader – THIS IS AN UPDATE – JUST IN! The iBookstore now carries it too!! My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife is ON SALE for ONLY $2.99 beginning THIS FRIDAY! YAY!

My publisher, Harvest House, is ONLY offering this special price from May 11 through May 21 anywhere these e-book formats are sold (Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iBookstore, etc.)

Would you share this with your friends? Pin it, share it, tag it? I’d love to give as many ladies the opportunity to get this book at this low, low price and more important, find some encouragement and understanding that they aren’t alone. God has a wonderful plan for each of us. If you’ve been wanting to get a book club together to read the book – THIS is the PERFECT OPPORTUNITY. Now no one has an excuse. For less than a cup of coffee at Starbucks, now your friends can read about my crazy burned quesadilla, mouse catching moments.

GIVEAWAY ALERT!

And just to make this more fun for everyone, when you have shared it (on Pinterest, or Facebook or Twitter or all of them – because you’re just awesome like that), come back HERE and comment and let me know where you’ve shared it and I’ll enter you in to win one of five copies of the book (paperback version) I’ll give away at the end of the sale May 21. And maybe I’ll throw in some other fun stuff too. Who knows what I’ll find in my currently messy office.

OK to recap -

May 11, THIS Friday – order an e-book version for only $2.99 if you haven’t yet done so and tell your friends!

You only have till May 21. Let me know here in the comments that you’ve shared it and how, and I’ll pick five of you to win paperback copies of the book (and maybe a few other things as well.)

Thanks and Happy Mother’s Day!

Comments (32)

Categories : Contests, Shopping

Guest Post: Mageirocophobia

By Sara · Comments (1)

April 27, 2012

By Amanda Johnson
faithfamilyfriendslove.wordpress.com

So speaking of being the perfect wife and mom (which I am not – if that is what you are looking for, you need to run far, far away) – lets talk food.

I love food! I love food shows, recipes, gadgets, appliances (seriously – for Christmas my precious gave me new cookware, and a super awesome crock pot and I could not have been more excited. We joked because they were on the list of things ‘not to get your wife’) – anything food or kitchen related, I love!

I enjoy cooking for my family.

FOR MY FAMILY.

Did you catch that? I love cooking for my husband and kids. You know why? Because they love me – even when I botch the rice. (Which I do every single time I try to cook rice – I cannot for the life of me figure out what I do wrong. White, brown, wild, long grain, short grain, takes-forever-to-cook, instant, boil-in-bag… it doesn’t matter. I cannot cook it correctly.) They love me, and understand that if my creation does not go as planned we can always go out or order pizza.

Cooking for others… terrifies me! Which brings me to the title of this blog post: Mageirocophobia - fear of cooking. I may not have an actual “phobia” but there are different types, such as the fear of causing illness, or serving inedible food. Both of which I do worry about when serving other people.

I love the idea of entertaining. I love finding new recipes. I dream of a super awesome kitchen and a dinning room table that seats 20. But then you have to feed those 20 people, thus resulting in my problem.

We are in a small group that meets in a home one night a week. It is my favorite night of the week! I love doing life together with these people! So we meet with our Bibles, books, and … you guessed it – food! I look forward to the email that is sent out every week delegating who brings what. I’m sure God gets a good chuckle when He hears my pray “please let it be salad or dessert, please let it be salad or desert!”

The week I had “main dish” I tried something new. See, I am a smart cookie. I’ve learned that you try a new recipe so that you have the excuse of “I’ve never made this before” if it is a major fail. I made Mexican Lasagna (google it, there are lots of variations). It smelled wonderful, but when we got there and sat down to eat, my (sometimes too honest) husband took one bite and I could see it all over his face – he hated it. Everyone else said it was good. It wasn’t bad… It is just something that needs a little tweaking before we try it again.

So here is my next dilemma. This weeks menu – pot luck! Don’t they know that I need specifics? You can’t give this fearful-creative-quirky person something that broad and vague. Looks like I’ll be spending some time browsing through my collection of cook books (OH how I LOVE collecting cookbooks!!) and the internet.

Do you enjoy entertaining and feeding others? Have some pot luck suggestions for me? A particular brand of rice cooker you love? LOL! Please share!

Amanda Johnson lives in Texas with her husband, two kids, and their bad dog. She is a stay-at-home mom who loves playing, cooking, camping, kayaking, and hiking. When the Johnson family is not enjoying blueberry muffins and coffee on a Saturday morning, you’ll probably find them at the zoo. Amanda and her husband share a desire to reach families with young children, encouraging them and helping them to grow in Christ as a family. Visit Amanda’s blog at faithfamilyfriendslove.wordpress.com.

FROM SARA: Want to share your own adventures or (mis)adventures as a wife and mom with the readers of MyProverbs31Life.com? I’m dealing with a packed schedule over the next few weeks with speaking events and finishing up a couple of graduate classes – would love to share other wife and mom stories in my bloggy absence! Email me at sara@sarahorn.com with your best blog post on faith and family and I may choose it to post as a guest post! Don’t forget to include a brief bio as well as a link to your own blog or website. (Legal stuff: I reserve the right to choose – just because you send it doesn’t guarantee it will be selected – and to edit for length or typos/grammatical errors. Keep it positive, hopeful and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. That always makes others feel better.)

Comments (1)

Categories : Guest Bloggers, Recipes

Tags : Amanda Johnson, cooking, mageirocophobia, My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife

The pressure we put on ourselves

By Sara · Comments (4)

April 19, 2012

This morning was a usual hustle and bustle kind of morning. Cliff got ready to leave, Caleb was up, putting out the trash that he’d failed to get to yesterday before going to bed and I was tending to our dog who has developed a hot spot he hasn’t had in quite a while. This is the busy season for our family – and the next three weeks will be very busy with speaking engagements and wrapping up work for a couple of graduate classes I’ve worked on this spring. But I’m still trying to stay focused and engaged on being there for my family.

So I made pancakes for breakfast for Caleb this morning because he asked me too. But this morning, the batter exploded. Like, literally. Flour and water went “BOOM”. I would like to say it hit the fan (and that would be fairly accurate since 1) we have a fan in our kitchen and 2) the batter went everywhere and could quite possibly have gone that high). But I’ll just say it exploded and leave it at that.

I was using the little Bisquick Shake ‘N Pour bottle. Love these things because you just add water, shake, and pour. (Thus, the name, in case you weren’t sure.) But apparently I shook it too hard, because as I twisted the lid to open the bottle and pour the batter onto the griddle, I was surprised with a big PWOOOF that sounded like a fairly large plastic bag full of air exploding. I had pancake batter on my night shirt (pajama top sounds too pajamamy – this is just a comfortable t-shirt I like to sleep in occasionally), on the stove top, and the floor (and I will probably go back and check the fan after I write this). It seemed to be everywhere! Who knew that much pressure could build up from just adding water and shaking?

But of course, as I sighed and half-chuckled at myself, wiped up the batter mess and kept going on Caleb’s pancakes, I got to thinking about that pressure. (I’m never one to miss a spiritual lesson if I can find it – just wish sometimes I would learn these lessons BEFORE the batter is dripping off of my countertop and down my cabinets.)

Because, I think as wives, we deal with a lot of pressure, don’t we? Sometimes I think we’d like to blame others for putting that pressure on us, but in the end, if we’re honest, I think a lot of that pressure comes from ourselves. My husband doesn’t ask for a perfect house – I do. My son doesn’t care about a fancy breakfast or dinner – I’m the one more concerned about the little details than they are. And all of the things I deem so important… if I sat down and wrote out what really was important – well, many of the things I spend time and energy staying focused on probably would not be on that list.

Part of what I struggle with is that pressure doesn’t come at me all at once. It builds up, and it builds up usually because I’ve added too many things and taken on too much. That’s when the pressure becomes obvious but by then, well, it’s PRESSURE. I’m in the thick of it. And I guess the obvious answer to keeping that pressure from building is to not allow so many things to build up that pressure in the first place.

But what happens when the pressure is already built? Well, somewhere you have to release it. Somehow, you have to lessen it.

Give it to God. Psalm 29:11 says “The Lord gives His people strength; the Lord blesses His people with peace.” Ideally, we need to give each day to God before it starts. But if you’ve found yourself past that, if you’ve found that you’ve missed a few days and now you’re in a big ole’ pressured pickle – you can still give it to God. And He will help guide you through it.

Start saying no. Learn from the pressure you find yourself in and start saying no to the things that aren’t important. Or learn to ask yourself to look for the great instead of the good. There are LOTS of good things I can do and be involved in; but I’ve learned (over and over I’m sorry to say) that I can’t do all of those good things. So I need to choose the great ones. And be content with greatness. Not consumption or perfection of it all.

Whittle down the list. I think for too long we’ve been told and have told ourselves we can do it all. And we have technology now to help us. But I think we’ve put ourselves on a dangerous slope by believing that. Because if I can do it all, why do I need others? Why do I need to work on relationships? I mean, if I have my smart phone, do I really need anything or anyone else? So I need to whittle down the list of what’s important for this season of my life. Notice I said for this season. You may have dreams of doing things or accomplishing something big for God. But this may not be the season. Your season right now may be to focus your energy and your time on your family. Or on your baby. Or learning to fix dinner so you can save money by not eating out every night. Seasons. Whittle down the list to what fits this season today. And pray about it first. Because your list, and God’s list for you, may be completely different. (I’d go with His, by the way).

So those are just some thoughts I wanted to share. I’m going to be whittling down my list. I’m going to try and learn to say no more. (This is a hard one for me.) And I’m definitely going to remind myself that giving this life to God is a daily requirement – not just when we get around to it, or feel like it.

Question: What’s one thing you can do today to ease the pressure you put on yourself?

Comments (4)

Categories : Faith

Guest Post: I’m not “that” mom

By Sara · Comments (3)

April 16, 2012

A note from Sara: Happy Monday everyone! I know I need to get back into our weekly challenges, but I think I’m going to delay another week so I can share this wonderful guest blogger, Amanda, with you! I ran across Amanda’s blog, FaithFamilyFriendsLove, this past weekend and LOVED reading her post about realizing that the differences she has as a mom is ok and seeing the value in the talents and gifts God has already given her. I’ve enjoyed reading from lots of wives over the last several months who have embraced the Proverbs 31 wife journey (with a new perspective that includes an attitude of ‘perfection not required’). So I hope to share more of these guest posts and guest bloggers with you over the coming weeks and months because I think one of the greatest encouragements we can receive as women striving to walk in relationship with God while keeping those relationships with our husbands, children and other around us healthy – is to know we’re not alone. So be encouraged today. And know it’s ok to not be “that” mom.

I’m not “that” mom

By Amanda Johnson
FaithFamilyFriendsLove

Are you ready for another confession?

I’m not “that” mom.

In fact if you are looking for a blog about being a great wife and mom, about being organized, couponing, crafting, cooking… Keep on looking, because that is not me. As much as I would love to be her – I’m not.

You know the kind of women I’m talking about. In fact, maybe you are her. If you are, may God bless you! The mom that is always put together. Hair, clothes, make-up… The mom who plans wonderful meals for her family, and has them ready and on the table when the dear husband gets in from work. The mom who sees awesome crafts on Pinterest and actually recreates them. The mom who is a vital part of the PTA (or is it PTO?). The mom who is a DIYer. Perhaps you are the mom who works outside of the home, and manages the home as well. If you are any one of these, then I salute you! If you are all of them… Well please don’t tell me – I may just cry.

Just kidding… kind of.

You see, I want to be “that” mom. The desire is there. The follow through… not so much.

My hair is wild – there is no hope. Make up, eh… Clothes… sigh. I’ve never been accused of being trendy. (Which is actually quite all right with me! Give me some jeans and a NOTW shirt, and I’m a happy girl!) Getting supper ready before the husband gets home -with a 3 year old “helping” and a (almost) 1 year old getting in the dogs food and water bowl – is not an option. I like the idea of being crafty. There really are some awesome things out there to recreate. Again though, it is the follow through I have issues with. We plan to home school, so I guess I don’t really have to worry about if it is PTA or PTO… The DIYer… yeah, here we go with that follow through again.

I struggle with laziness. It is not something I am proud of. I pray about it daily and seek Gods help. Some people see and do, and I admire you. I see and think, geez that looks like a lot of work and effort.

Sometimes I “blame” it on having two young children. But that is just an excuse. I know it, you know it, let’s just be honest here. I know people with 1, 2, 3…5+ kids at home and are able to accomplish AMAZING things! They cook, clean, sew, make fun crafts with their kids, create cute lunches with the foods made into cute hearts and faces, etc…

However, God has opened my eyes, and used my husband by allowing him to love me despite my faults, and has used a new translation of the Bible that I LOVE – to guide me so that I’ve learned that yes, part of it is that I am lazy, but another part is – maybe that just isn’t who God created me to be.

While yes, I would love to be one of those women who “Pin” things and actually recreate them – I just pin things in hopes that a family member or friend will be blessed by it. I read blogs and think, I wish I could be an eloquent blogger, and inspire others with my writing, but I can’t even manage to sit down once a month to type some nonsense on this site! And that is OK.

Because God has shown me that I don’t have to be “that” mom. I am the mother and wife that He created me to be. I love my family with every fiber of my being. I love teaching my children about God, and how He loves them so much that He sent His son to die for them. I love encouraging my husband on the good days, and especially on the hard days. I love playing waitress with my little girl. I love chasing my army crawling little boy away from the dogs food and water bowl. I love dancing with my sweet “O” to the tunes of the Go Fish Guys. I love being a VeggieTales Ambassador and sharing the simple truth that “God Made You Special, and He Loves You Very Much” with other young children and their families. I love that my husband and I have a heart for young families, and want to see them thrive in Christ and worship Him together, as a family. I love that God has given us a vision, and we are seeking His guidance in how to bring Him glory through this mission He has placed upon our hearts. I love reading books like “My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife” by Sara Horn and realizing – I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to love God, love my family and trust in Him to guide me each and every day.

Life is not perfect. Life is not easy. It’s hard. It’s messy. It hurts at times. But PRAISE AND GLORY TO MY FATHER IN HEAVEN I have learned that “I can be content in any and every situation through the Anointed One who is my power and strength.” Philippians 4:13 – The Voice

No, I’m not “THAT” mom. But really… who is? Let’s not set unrealistic goals. Let’s not judge and envy. No. Let’s learn to be content. Let’s embrace who God created us to be, and run with it. I’ll never be crafty, and that is ok. I’m enjoying the life God has blessed me with. Glory to my Father in Heaven!

Comments (3)

Categories : Faith, Guest Bloggers, Mom-Life

The mattress doesn’t fit

By Sara · Comments (1)

April 13, 2012

For quite a while, I’ve been meaning to share with you some of the pictures I took through the course of my year-long experiment. Now that we’re in our own house again (I know, still need to blog about that at some point – been too busy unpacking!), and I have easier access to all of my flash drives and external hard drives, I hope to post more regularly, and share more of the pics with you on a weekly basis.

Some of you who have read the book may recall my camping story – well, I ran across the picture I took of the tent… here’s the pic along with a little excerpt I’ve shared below … Meet Mount Mattress.

CHAPTER EXCERPT: Campfires, Marshmallows and Really Small Tents

But there was already a problem. This tent did not look like a six-man tent. This tent barely looked like a two-person tent.

I started breathing faster as I stood there, wondering what my next step should be and not liking at all what my eyes were telling me. This tent was tiny. This tent was not going to fit a queen-size mattress. I suddenly had a visual of what it really meant to sleep out under the stars. And I didn’t like it. Nor did I want to do it. But against my better judgement, I decided to do what any loyal wife who respects her husband would do (though I suspect Martha 31 would not have done this). Blow the mattress up anyway. After all, I thought, if I want Cliff to have “full confidence ” in me (v.11), shouldn’t I have full confidence in him? I mean, if he said this queen-size mattress would fit in this tent, this really-looks-tiny tent, then who am I to think it won’t? I can’t be right all the time..right?

Caleb and I rolled out the mattress inside the tent, and I hooked up our battery-powered air pump and turned it on. As the mattress slowly filled with air, the space in the tent quickly shrank. And not just in width but height. Since the mattress was at least a good foot thick, I was pretty sure I could touch the top of the tent just rolling over.

“Uh, Mom? Where are we going to put all our stuff?”

Caleb’s question was the same one I was wondering. My husband had been right. The mattress fit. But there wasn’t one inch of space for anything else. Especially the unforgiving hard-sided red suitcase I’d packed all our stuff in.

OK, I thought, we can take the mattress out and sleep on the ground, or we can maybe sleep in the car, or we could get in the car right now and just keep going…

Ben (our next door neighbor camping right behind us with his son) interrupted my escape plan. “Looks like your mattress is a little big,” he said, a slight smile on his face. Bless him for not actually bursting out in fits of laughter.

“Yeah, Cliff thought we had a six-man tent,” I said, my eyes starting to water.

I could feel the heat rising to my face and forced myself to focus on the first thing in front of me – that stupid tent with the enormous mattress. Imagine me crying at a Cub Scout campout. My kid would never hear the end of it. I choked back the tears and cleared my throat. I was careful what I said next since I didn’t want to say anything that would bring harm to my husband.

“I think we can be sure now that we don’t.”

“Well, I’ve got a six-man tent,” Ben said, pointing to his site behind ours which indeed was a big tent, complete with a separate porch-like section where you could store things. It was like a mansion compared to what I had in front of me. “AJ and I brought smaller mattresses. We can trade you those two for your big one and hopefully that will help, and you can keep your suitcase and anything else you want in our front section.”

As I quickly climbed onto Mount Mattress to deflate it and make the trade, all I could do was breathe a silent prayer of thanks to God for neighbor Ben.

An excerpt from My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife (Harvest House, 2011). To order a signed copy for yourself or a friend, visit sarahorn.com/store.

Comments (1)

Categories : Mom-Life, Photo Friday

Tags : camping, mattress, My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife, Sara Horn

Mama Drama Politics

By Sara · Comments (4)

April 12, 2012

This morning I shook my head as I read the articles popping up on my FB news feed about the battle between Republican candidate and presumptive presidential GOP nominee Mitt Romney’s wife, Ann Romney and tv pundit and Democratic strategist, Hillary Rosen. Women were quickly taking sides. (Though, honestly, all I saw was one side. I know, I don’t have a very diverse group of friends. But I like it that way. That’s why they’re my friends. But I digress…)

A lot of moms who work at home got greatly offended at Hillary’s comment she made last night on CNN that stated because Ann Romney chose to be a stay-at-home mom, she’d “never worked a day in her life.” I could understand. Some of the hardest working women I know don’t necessarily have a name plate in an office somewhere. But they have the word “Mom” drawn all over pictures hanging on their fridge. And they’ll tell you, they work hard.

It was a poor choice of words for Hillary. And she has since apologized for them. But she’s not the first to compare women to each other.

We compare ourselves to others and others to ourselves just as much.

You only have to look at FB or Twitter to see what I mean. Sometimes it’s subtle – sometimes it’s not. But we’re comparing. We’re pointing out our differences. Constantly. In the articles we post, the word-photos we tag, the statuses and the tweets we write. Except it’s not just about working moms and stay-at-home moms (isn’t that really so 1980s?). Now it’s breast feeding or not breast feeding, all natural foods or um, not-natural foods, home-schooling or not home-schooling. I once mentioned online some frustrations I was having with my son’s school and instantly I had 3 home school moms comment how they didn’t have those problems because they home school. Good for them, but not exactly helpful to me. I would never tell a home school mom who’s stressing over which curriculum to choose for their kids – “oh, wow, see I don’t have to worry about that because my kid’s teacher does that for me.”

I’ve had the opportunity to meet a lot of women over the last six or so years, in person and online. And let me tell you – we are all different! Some of us are VERY different. But I am amazed by our differences as well as our similarities. And that’s what I really want to talk about in this post. Because as different as most of us moms are from one another, there are a few things we all share.

1. We love our kids.

Sure, some of us may have the patience of gnats when it comes to our kids (or they might say they have kids who have the attention spans of gnats, thereby the lack of patience on their part), but most of us love our kids. We’d do anything for our kids. And that is one thing we share as moms. Whether we work outside the home or we work at home – we love our kids. We do what we need to do for our kids. And that’s all that really should matter.

2. We want to be good moms.

I don’t think any of us start out as moms saying “I’d like to be the worst mom I can be.” We want to be good moms. Maybe we want to be just like our moms. Or, maybe for some of us, we want to be better than our moms. But we want to make a difference with our kids. We want to help them and support them and see that they have a great life, a great start to life, and a great chance to be whatever it is they’re supposed to be. So let’s support each other instead of tearing one another down. Let’s recognize we all have different callings. We have different approaches. But we all share the one thing in common. We’re moms… and we’d really like to be good moms. So let’s encourage each other. And give each other high-fives when we do something great (not slights or the occasional one-up comment like “oh, your child is walking at 12 months? My child started walking at 8 months and a month later she’s now reading Harry Potter books!”) , and hugs when we’ve messed up (not more salt for our wounds). ‘Cause chances are, we’re going to do both. Many, many times.

3. We’re looking for help.

As moms, we recognize that we need help! Why else do you think all of these mom blogs are popular? Why else do you think “pinning” is now the new “posting”? Why else are recipe and meal planning websites are all the rage, as well as money-saving blogs that teach us how to spend 25 cents and feed a family of four for a week? (I exaggerate… but barely.) We want help. We want to show love to our kids and we want to be good moms. And for those of us who have a relationship with God, He’s the one we turn to for our daily help – or at least we should be. I pray for myself as a mom often – but how often do I pray for the other moms I know? Probably not as often as I need to.

When you look at the big picture of how this world is moving and what’s at stake – arguing over who is working harder really is pointless. Because we’re all working hard.

So let the politicians point their fingers and try to make their points – political and otherwise. But don’t let them drag you into the fray. Instead, support each other. Love on each other. Be kind to each other.

As moms, we can all use some of that.

“Strength and honor are her clothing,

and she can laugh at the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom

and loving instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the activities of her household

and is never idle.

²⁸Her sons rise up and call her blessed.

Her husband also praises her… (Proverbs 31:25-28)

Share with us: What do you LOVE about being a mom?

Comments (4)

Categories : Home, Mom-Life

Tags : Ann Romney, Hillary Rosen, My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife, Sara Horn, stay-at-home moms, working moms

P31 Challenge: Speak for Good

By Sara · Comments (4)

February 26, 2012

Hey ladies! This morning in our small group at church we did the second lesson of The Five Love Languages study by Gary Chapman and discussed what it means to offer Words of Affirmation. I’ve mentioned this before to groups I speak to, but oh my goodness, words are powerful and you can use them for good or for harm, so we need to be intentional that we’re using them for good! So… I think this week’s challenge may “speak” for itself…

This week, be purposeful and intentional about the words you speak. If it helps, write down a few words you can use for both your husband and your children. Words that lift them up, encourage them, give them assurance. Words that let them know you love them no matter what. Also be intentional about the words you don’t use. No name calling, even in jest. At our house, and this has been this way since day 1 of our marriage, we don’t put each other down. We don’t call each other names. Period. We don’t point out flaws or faults – we focus on strengths and accomplishments.

I can’t wait to hear how your week goes!

By the way, I took the love language quiz online – you can too. I tied with a score of 9 for both Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service, which is slightly different from what I got the last time we took this class which was about 7 or 8 years ago, where Acts of Service was my #1 primary language. (And just for the record, even if you or your spouse’s primary love language isn’t Words of Affirmation – it’s still important to offer these to each other any way.)

To take the quiz and find out more about the 5 Love Languages, visit 5lovelanguages.com.

Comments (4)

Categories : P31 Challenge

Love your husband… his way

By Sara · Comments (2)

February 23, 2012

I just had the opportunity a couple of weekends ago to spend it in beautiful Asheville, N.C., leading some workshops at a military marriage retreat at The Cove, which is Billy Graham’s conference center. It was a thrill and an honor to share with the wives in my workshops what it means to have a GOD Strong marriage, and some of the things we should think about as wives. So often, we think our marriages and our lives in general would get better if “he” would just change – but as I learned in my Proverbs 31 experiment – it’s often necessary for us to change first.

One young woman hung around after my last workshop, wanting to talk. She’s only been married less than a year but already marriage has started looking less like the fairy tale she pictured it.

Her problem?

“He wants sex all the time!”

After asking her some questions and making sure there was no physical or emotional abuse happening – just the needs and desires of a full-blooded military guy – I began to understand. She’s concerned with the house and their son and she’s tired – who has time to be in the mood? Evening AND morning?

I’m not sure what I said was really what she wanted to hear.

In this day and age, as women we’ve been sold the My package of goods. As in, it’s My life, My body, My happiness… that’s what I need to be focused on because when it’s all said and done, I’m the only one who will look out for me and My interests. (And don’t get me wrong – men are being sold this too).

But I don’t think that’s biblical.

Look at what Paul says in 1 Corinthians:

“But because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. Do not deprive one another sexually – except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again: otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (7:2-5)

This totally flies in the face of our politically correct society today, I know, but it’s God’s plan and purpose for marriage. Sex was meant to be enjoyed and to be shared intimately between a husband and a wife. And let’s face it, ladies, most men are wired to love sex; to enjoy being physical and intimate. Nashville pastor and the main speaker for the retreat at The Cove, Dr. Michael Easley, had some great points about this – he said “all their lives, men have been told no – when they’re married, they finally can hear YES.”

But how often do we as women say no after we’ve said I do? Because we’re tired? Because we’re mad? Because we’re using sex as a weapon to get what we want instead of giving it freely the way God calls us to?

That’s not what God intended.

In our small group at church this Sunday, we started going through the book and video series, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Cliff and I have done this book before, many years ago, but I don’t think we did the video. It’s a good refresher and reminder that when we enter into marriage, our goal is not to see what I can get out of it, but what I can give to the other person who I’ve committed my life to.

Sex comes with the commitment.

Now, please know, I’m writing all of this from a general point of view. I realize there are many situations out there – circumstances where spouses grew up in sexually abusive situations, or maybe were raised to see sex as being bad, or are working through overcoming other things in their past or current situations (a husband that cheats, for example) that make a healthy sexual relationship with their husbands difficult. But if none of these are factors, there are some things you can do to learn to enjoy and be open to a more active sex life with your husband.

Be affectionate.

Maybe you don’t feel affectionate. Or maybe you didn’t grow up in an affectionate, touchy family but your husband did. You can learn how to be affectionate. It takes one touch at a time. I was not always real affectionate because in my family growing up, we weren’t huggers. We didn’t really cuddle or get real touchy. Imagine my surprise, then, when I discovered my husband’s family weren’t just huggers, they were kissers too! (You know, a quick kiss on the cheek when you’re saying hello?) It was hard at first to get used to this – hard to be focused on getting the laundry done and my husband wanted to grab me as he passed me in the hall and pull me in for a hug and kiss. But after I recognized this was how he showed his love for me, I knew I couldn’t waste any of those moments. Now I hug and kiss and touch – and love every moment.

Say I love you. A lot.

My husband and I tell each other “I love you” throughout the day, every day. In the morning, before work; we’ll text or call during the day; we’ll greet each other when we’re all home again and before we go to sleep. Saying “I love you” reinforces the commitment you’ve made to each other, and reminds you of the special person you have in your life.

Laugh.

Don’t take things too seriously. Don’t hold grudges. Forgive and forget.

Take 10. This is definitely a practical tip for us ladies. There are just days in the week where you have been going non-stop and you are WORN OUT! Who feels like being romantic at 10 o’clock at night after chasing kids, working, and putting out fires? But being intimate, and being close, is so important. It’s a time to reconnect as a couple. So take 10 minutes in the bathroom to reset. Brush your hair. Add a little perfume. Wear something sexy or romantic and resist throwing on the flannels. And just enjoy ending your day with the one you love. And on a very personal note, as a military wife having gone through two deployments – almost a total of two years of our marriage we’ve been away from each other – I only have to remind myself of the nights I wished he’d been there to remember to never take the nights he is there for granted.

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Categories : Marriage

P31 Challenge: What has He blessed you with already?

By Sara · Comments (3)

January 23, 2012

I’ve been trying to keep up with some of the bloggers who are taking the P31 Challenge this year, as well as reading your FB posts for those of you who are reading through the book or have just finished it.

What I’m finding is that as women, we sure do beat ourselves up a lot, don’t we? We talked a little bit about that at a women’s ministry planning retreat I sat in on at my church on Saturday – there was a whole list on an easel that showed the anxieties and insecurities and frustrations we experience on a daily basis if not sometimes all at once!

This was definitely a problem for me when I was going through my experiment, and I always chuckle (and cringe) a little when I read reviews from women and they mention it. Because they’re right – during that year, I questioned and second-guessed myself all over the place. The experiment could have been a whole lot happier I think if I had been able to approach it from a more positive frame of mind.

Psalm 86:15 says, “But You, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and rich in faithful love and truth.” If I want to emulate and follow God’s example, who I know from His Word is slow to anger, and rich in faithful love and truth, why am I not compassionate with myself? Why am I so quick to get angry with myself (and then in the process, often angry with others around me, namely my family?) Why do I give up so quickly with myself, and yet so often give others second and third chances?

So.. this week, I want our challenge to focus on what we’re doing right. It is REALLY easy to find everything we’re struggling with. But God has already blessed us with some great skills and talents and qualities as wives and moms, too! Your challenge this week is to focus on three qualities or talents you have as a wife or mom and come back here and share it with the rest of us. No, you’re not bragging. No, you’re not being “proud”. You are in a tangible way, saying out loud to yourself, what God has equipped you with. Because sometimes we need to say it out loud. So we’ll remember. (And if you have trouble coming up with three yourself – don’t be shy, ask your husband, your kids, and if they’re no help, your friends!)

Then I want you to intentionally look for those qualities and talents as you go through your week. How do you use them now? How could you maybe use them in other areas too? Like, you may be super organized when it comes to your schedule but you still struggle with getting the laundry done. It may be more of a change in heart that’s needed than a change in time or better organizational skills. See what I mean?

So, share your three best qualities, and let’s focus on those this week. It’s going to be a great week, don’t you think?!

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Categories : P31 Challenge

If the P31 Wife did Pinterest…

By Sara · Comments (24)

January 18, 2012

UPDATE (1/23/11) – I picked our winners of our first Pinterest giveaway – thanks to everyone who participated! I decided to give away 2 copies of the book My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife and then of course we had the fabulous giveaway of the Organizing Utility Tote in Paparazzi Dot from Amie Whitfield, Independent Director for Thirty-One Gifts! (CHECK OUT HER WEBSITE! mythirtyone.com/amiew)

So the winners are, using Random.org….

Tricia Marble - you receive a copy of the book!

Jodie Leschuk - you ask receive a copy of the book!

and Michelle Hieb, you get the beautiful 31 tote!

Congratulations! Please email me at sara@sarahorn.com with your addresses and we’ll get your prizes out to you!

————————————————————–

OK all you Pinteresters out there… this post is for you.

I’ve been playing with Pinterest as I’ve had time, though over the last couple of weeks I haven’t had as much time as I would have liked. And a few weeks back, I got the fun idea to ask myself what it would look like if the P31 wife had Pinterest? I mean, all of us who use it now sure find it resourceful! We can share house ideas, clothing ideas, recipes, the possibilities are limitless. So, I decided to set up a board called “If the P31 Wife did Pinterest…” and started adding links to places and things and items that the Proverbs 31 Wife might have been interested in, all backed up with scripture.

Like these beautiful lamps for example:

”She sees that her profits are good, and her lamp never goes out at night.” ~ Proverbs 31:18

Source: potterybarn.com via Sara on Pinterest

It’s just a fun thing to do. And I’ll be honest, I need some fun. This has been a stressful week. I’ve started my first class towards a Master’s in Christian Leadership, we are house hunting and my husband’s 91-year old grandmother has moved into the Horn household. (And if you think the third item has anything to do with the second item on that list… why yes, you’d be right. And just a side note – do you know what it’s like having 4 different generations living in the same house? Let me share just one tiny example – DINNER. Mamaw is perfectly happy with her can of Ensure. Nana and Papaw (my husband’s parents) sometimes just want a sandwich or a bowl of cereal. My husband and I want D-I-N-N-E-R – like an actual meal we cook. And our 10-year-old would be perfectly happy with McDonald’s. It’s enough to drive someone B-A-N-A-N-A-S.)

So… let’s have some fun. If you Pinterest, follow my board. Then come back here and share some links in the comments, along with scripture verses, of things you find online that you think the P31 wife would pin. (And for a fresh reminder, check out Proverbs 31:10-22).

Everyone who shares a link will be entered to win a signed copy of the book which I’ll give away on Sunday (and if we have a lot of ladies participating, I may give a few more, or maybe find some other fun things to give away too) and I hope to add a lot of your links to the Pinterest board (be sure to include your pintrest name/board so I can include that too)! And please have fun with it – don’t take it too seriously… looking forward to seeing what you find!

We’ll call it the P31 Online Scavenger Hunt – happy hunting!

UPDATE: And the fun keeps getting “funner!” as my son would say!

Amie Whitfield, Independent Director for Thirty-One Gifts has offered to give away an Organizing Utility Tote in Paparazzi Dot to one of our ladies participating in the scavenger hunt! HOW CUTE IS THIS???

Check out her website at mythirtyone.com/amiew where you can place an order, host a party, or join her team! Thanks Amie!

REMEMBER – to qualify for the giveaways, you MUST POST the links you find HERE on this blog post. Some ladies have already started Pinterest boards for the scavenger hunt (which is a very fun idea by the way) but the only way you can qualify to enter for the drawings for the giveaways is to post your links here.

Comments (24)

Categories : Contests

Tags : giveaway, My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife, Sara Horn